I was out for an eye test when we met

We stood there, chastened, two old lags

It must have been quite thirty years

You couldn't see her eyes for bags

 

Straight off, I grasped her clammy hand

She blinked at me, looked even sadder

When out of guilt I blurted out:

"Did you ever see about your bladder?"

 

She'd had it since the twins came

It meant our love life did a runner

Yet I'd been smitten from the start

In those days she was quite a stunner

 

It was her ovaries that were out of kilter

She'd been like a yo-yo at the quack

Whether from drugs or temperament

She'd turned unresponsive in the sack

 

I'd heard she'd had a hard time since

(More women's troubles, typical Sue)

"Did you ever meet anyone else?" I asked

She responded: "Who the Hell are you?"

 

Just then a Tarzan burst from the shop

The woman whispered something in his ear

I stuttered: "Sorry mate, my mistake..." -

I should be off crutches come New Year