3/12/21

I understand that in the past I have put all of my faith in one man

I understand

I need you to understand that I understand

But to process my emotions I must dig down deep into my oceans

My oceans that visit me sometimes at night in my dreams and toss me around, holding my breath until I'm pushed to the shoreline

Some how I am always close enough to be pushed to the shoreline

I understand that it may be hard for you to process this because I know I seem just fine

But so did you.

Understand I don't look for attention, just the validation, just the outcry of my words expressing my thoughts that always go unheard

Because I talk and talk and talk but nobody seems to hear, I raise my voice but still it seems nobody hears

The louder I grow, understand that my voice is full of fear

I understand, I really do. I understand all about me. Just not about you.

I am growing in my faith and I am taking myself on dates and I am lowering my voice with a deep breath, I am going in depth

I cannot be scared of my oceans because they are full of all that I am made up of

Love. And heartache Romans 13:8. Friendship and rejection Isaiah 43:18.  Intimacy through naked bodies and thoughts about none at all because my body is a temple 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. Opening my heart and then closing it off and then reaching to God and opening it back up through Ezekiel 36:26. 

All and all and after all I am a human, not a robot

God is calling me in and supplying me with all fullfilling, unending, unconditional Love Jeremiah 1:5

And after all, our plans are never really our plans because they are all truly in God's hands and that's to Proverbs 3:5-6

I thank God for bringing me where I am today and for the path I will trip on ahead and I thank God for my wonderful ocean depth of emotions, experiences, fulfillments, and the space to build more of those fulfillments, trusting for the replacement of my heart of stone and the making of a heart of flesh.

For I can be a lion, and also a lamb, the blessing being knowing when to be which.