Pull Apart The Perfect Nest

Thursday 13th February 2020 10:24 am (first posted Monday 26th July 2010 1:08 pm)

So then, stick by stick
tonight we tear off strip after strip
the newest feathers first
then the older twigs and vines
with each one
my heart drops
until there's nothing left
and nowhere lower
just empty branches
where our sweet home once was

Inch by inch
we pack and divide the moss
all the soft things we've collected
years of careful, loving selection
pecking them away, each and every one
my heart stops
as we place them in our beaks
to separate forever
over an unknown distance
just a meaningless assortment
of what once was our sweet home

Pull apart the perfect nest
doing what we know we must
we both say it’s for the best
the home we had just turns to dust
pull apart the perfect nest

You fly south
I stay north
and never again
will our sweet home be here...

(Oct 2009)

Comments

Tom

Sat 13th Jul 2019 23:04

Somehow stumbled across this poem again and finally made all the corrections you suggested. All valid and Graham's suggestion makes so much sense. Only took me 10 years to fix it ?

Ann Foxglove

Sun 1st Aug 2010 10:40

I love this Thomas. An excellent poem.

Rachel Bond

Wed 28th Jul 2010 15:54

This is a great poem. i love the wildlife imagery as it sets those natural behaviours against the difference of human psychology. creates conflict with what we like to think of as the instictual.
more!

Tom

Wed 28th Jul 2010 09:37

Thanks for the feedback so far guys, certainly seems like there's room for improvement. I'll have a rewrite at some point and see what you think...

Andy N

Tue 27th Jul 2010 22:15

enjoyed this M8.. If i am honest, not wild on the 'oh no' at the beginning of the 2nd stanza as i think 'inch by inch' maybe a better start but impressive stuff, bud..

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 27th Jul 2010 15:28

The other comments are good. I also like the extended metaphor (which did get a bit mixed, what with bricks and feathers; I think 'squirreling' is an apt verb for indiscriminate saving, but a better one might be found for your intention in this piece.) But the effective mood carried through. IMO, it needs work.

Graham Sherwood

Mon 26th Jul 2010 20:50

This a clever and delightful analogy of a break up. Brick by brick is out of place I feel. Stick by stick would be better. Nice work though Thomas, well done.