Mi Mam’s Take On Contraception

 

So

I was the second of seven kids

(All planned… or so I was told)

Mi Dad was an idle sod, and never worked

All his dole money went on himsen

Mi Mam did her best

But I must admit, we were a raggy-arsed crew

 

Wherever we went, we went en-masse

Usually with mi Mam leading from the front

And us kids following

 

Picture a mother duck, leading out her brood

 

Strangers used to stop her, and ask

“Are they all yorn?”

It filled her with pride

“Yes“ she’d say

Then

Quite unprompted, she’d recite our names

“Steven, kevin, Michael, Andrew, Marrianne, Angela, and Trevor”

 

Sometimes people would stop her

And they weren’t so kind with their comments

 

Because mi Dad was on the dole

And because they paid their taxes

They thought they were entitled to have a pop at mi Mam

 

I remember one in particular

 

“How come you’ve got so many kids?” he asked

“You know the facts of life…. you work it out” sez mi Mam

“Aye I do know the facts of life” he said

“But you’ll not find ME havin’ so many kids… I use mi Head”

“Oh” sez mi Mam

“Don’t yur Fuckin’ ears get stuck”

 

I must admit, she was on form that day