The Long-nosed Short-Legged Terrier

 

When Darrel Slugshaw’s dog was a puppy

It was fluffy and cuddly and cute

But he fed it up, on beef drippin’ and tripe

So now it’s a monstrous brute

 

It was an upper Don-Valley black puddin’ hound

A local Yorkshire breed

Bred for their guile and their cunning

Agility, size, and their speed

 

Ten stone of muscle and sinew

With claws, and fangs, and incisors

He went in for Mr Doggyverse

And came out with several prizes

 

It was as solid as Great Aunt Gert’s porridge

With a chest was as broad as a barrel

He lived up to his epithet….. Killer

Which didn’t half please young Darrel

 

When Darrel Slugshaw went out with their Killer

It filled his heart with pride

The joy of walking a big vicious dog

Didn’t half put a spring in his stride

 

And they alus got the park to themsen’s

Because…. they’d become renowned

For fighting wi’ owt that come in the park

This lad and his big vicious hound

 

                    *    *    *   *    *

 

Mark Gently was new to the village

And knew nowt of Killer’s repute

So he decided to take his own dog for a walk

In the park that was ruled by the brute

 

Tiddles was a long-nosed short-legged terrier

He walked with an ungainly gait

He was only twenty inches tall

Do the maths……. that’s just one foot eight

 

What he lacked in height, his made up for in length

If you counted his tail, and snout  

Think of a figure, and double it

And you’ll not be too far out

 

Tiddles loved it out in the park

He went for a swim in the lake

Then he went on the swings, and the roundabout

Then the tearooms for coffee and cake

 

Soon, folk got used to seeing ‘em

And they’d look out for Tiddles and Mark

Killer and Darrel were none too happy

To see this lad and his dog in the park

 

There was a bit of a curt confrontation

For Darrel…. it was hate at first sight

And the adult way to settle the matter

Was for Killer and Tiddles to fight

 

Darrel sized up both dogs in a jiffy

And was under the naïve allusion

That, because of Killer’s size, and his strength

The fight was a forgone conclusion

 

Granny Slugshaw set hersen up as a bookie

And took bets on this three-round-thriller

There was argy-bargy, hustle and bustle

The smart money all going on Killer

 

It was a canine pugilistic mismatch

They were as different as chalk and cheese

Killer towered over Tiddles

Who just about came up to his knees

 

Tiddles was as bald as an Alopecian coot

This long-nosed, short-legged terrier

Killer looked nothing like him

Black puddin’ hounds are much hairier

 

And that weren’t the only difference

Killer was big, bold and strong

Whereas Tiddles was only one foot eight high

Though very very long

 

Granny Slugshaw rang her bell

To indicate the start of the fight

Tiddles came out snapping

And swallowed Killer whole… just in one bite

 

Well... Darrel was taken aback

Cos Tiddles came out with such speed

And he wondered what type of dog it was

So he asked Mark… what is its breed

 

It’s a long-nosed, short-legged terrier

He said with a cryptic smile

A green, long-nosed, short legged terrier

What some call a… crocodile