It's never the wrong time for a delicately constructed villanelle.

 

I’m pretty sure it was them old Spam Fritters

From out the freezer – 6 months out of date

Which caused my present painful bout of squitters.

 

I hear your childish sniggers and your titters

While you make fun of something that I ate

I tell you though it must have been Spam Fritters

 

I’ve often eaten partly uncooked critters

Which caused me then to hurriedly vacate

My bowels, to pebble-dash the bowl in squitters

 

Or when I’ve drunk them cloudy milds and bitters

Next morning’s motions might accelerate

But nothing like the speed of them Spam fritters.

 

It’s lucky that I found these nearby shitters

Cos when the pressure built I couldn’t wait

For once the plug was pulled there shot out squitters

 

This was the daddy of all arse-hole splitters

Which might, I feared, my bowels eviscerate

I’m pretty sure it was them old Spam Fritters

Which caused my present, painful bout of squitters.