The Queen’s garden party (Granny Slugshaw)

 

It was the garden party, at Buckingham Palace

The one the Queen doesn’t enjoy

Where she meets and greets the common folk

To mix with the hoi palloi

 

And Granny slugshaw had wangled an invite

For the prison reform work she’d done

Cos she’d taken a prisoner into her home

Albeit…. her very own son

 

So she togged hersen out for’t occasion

Wi’ new shoes, and a smart dress

And an ‘andbag she’d nicked from Marks and Sparks

She wanted to dress to impress

 

She’d bought a fascinator

Which is only a hat… when all’s said

Except for it doesn’t quite fit right

So needs to be stuck to your head

 

She was all excited, at meeting the queen

Like a deb… presented at court

She put her left foot in front of her right

Then curtsied just like she’d been taught

 

And therein laid the problem

She shouldn’t have eaten them beans

It caused a massive kerfuffle…. When

She farted in front of the queen

 

It caused a massive kerfuffle

Can you imagine the scene

Granny... in her Sunday best

Had farted in front of the Queen

 

So she slunk off, crestfallen and riddled wi’ shame

The butt of everyone’s joke

And she scarpered into the masses

To be with the everyday folk

 

Then Charles and his missis came out of the palace

To do their meet and greet

To mingle with the masses

And give the plebs a treat

 

Then Granny got to meet Camilla

And that caused a proper to-do

Cos that’s when she surpassed hersen

…. She farted and followed through