Mister and Missus Potato-Head,

had a lovely young daughter called Jean.

Some beautiful spuds grew in their bed,

but Jean was the finest they’d ever seen,

and now it was time that she was wed!

 

Jean Potato-Head was to be a fine bride!

Mister Potato-Head took her aside,

she needed an adult potato’s advice,

for in affairs of the heart, she was green.

 

“You can have a nice dance with King Edward.

His posture is strong, and his skin is clean.

You might get along with young Jersey Royal,

because he’s got a fine lineage, Jean.

But don’t go near that Gary Lineker!

His offspring all end up as crisps.

If you go out with Gary, we’ll think you a traitor,

For Lineker is only a common tater!