Armadillo…… Draught British Sherry

 

It pissed it down that bitter cold night

Rain bounced off the roofs with a din

Dad looked out the window forlornly….. and said

I think I’d best have a night in

 

It was rare for mi dad… not to go out

And he made our lives hell.. when he din’t

But it wasn’t the weather…. that made him stop in

It was more to the fact…… he was skint

 

A new phenomenon had hit the shops

To make the hoi polloi merry

Cheap as chips….  With vinegar

Armadillo…….. Draught British Sherry

 

Armadillo was only ten bob for a pint

The prices were more than respectable

There was only one little drawback though

You had to take your own receptacle

 

So mi Dad thought he’d give it a bash

Cos he’d seen the advert on the telly

But, he din’t have a bottle to put it in

So he dug out an old size ten welly

 

Reyt…. He said….. examining the boot

I think this’ll do the job

All I need now is some money

…. Can anyone lend me ten bob?

 

NO.. said mi Mam… hiding her purse

I’m brassic lint… she said

I’ve spent all mi money on luxuries

Like milk, and, butter and bread

 

So then mi Dad turned out his pockets

To see how much money he had

Seven and six…..in shrapnel

I haven’t enough……  said mi Dad

 

Reyt then kids, turn out your pockets

….He said….. as he patted us down

I need another two and six

Who’ll lend me half a crown

 

But we were all brassic anorl

Or at least that’s what we told our Dad

As we jostled to find a hiding place

And we squirrelled what little we had

 

You don’t rob Peter to pay Paul

Nor rob Paul to pay Peter

When times are hard, and cash is scarce

You rob the ‘leccy meter

 

Mi Dad had a clever method for this

He smeared a knife with some honey

Then he poked the knife in through the slot in the box

To stick and grab loose money

 

Eureka… I’ve cracked it… he shouted

As he pulled silver coins through the slot

Then he piled up his stash of small change

And he counted what little he’d got

 

As fate would have it, he’d reached his target

Ten bob…. in silver and copper

But he was too proud to go shopping with shrapnel

Someone else would have to be t’shopper

 

 

It was still siling down… like stair rods outside

Enough to lift-up man-hole lids

Dad said…… “I wouldn’t even send a dog out in this”

“I’ll haveta’ send one of the kids”

 

So we scuttled about in a bid to look busy

Our Trevor was planning some crime

As he finessed his plot… for world domination

And he was only six at the time

 

Our Nelly was taking her Black Belt

In Grimstone Low’s main martial art

So she needed to practice head-butting, and biting

And ripping opponents apart

 

In a bid to look busy… I picked up a book

And pretended to do my homework

But mi Dad saw right through me.. and called me out…. Saying

 “yur book’s upside-down, yu daft berk”

 

So… armed with a welly, and a handful of shrapnel

And my duffel coat hood pulled in tight

I braced missen against the weather

And set off into that foul night

 

Now…. If you were to buy Armadillo

To have a night in… cos you’re skint

I bet that you’d check your welly for leaks

That’s one of the things mi dad din’t