The time we spent picking blackberries in the backyard

And collecting spring onions and waiting for that strawberry bush to bear fruit but it never did

Or rolling downhill and getting rashes and making beds out of hay

There was a time where we swam until we couldnt see through the dark

Or ran until we couldnt breathe but we kept on running because we were scared if we stopped the happy times would end

And I remember holding a baby and then hugging a toddler and then having nothing at all

But earlier then I remember four souls who grappled and loved and fought and touched

We ate and read and played and dreamed together

We cried and laughed and feared and braved the world together

I remember when the oldest learned how to fight

And I thought "Why is she doing that?" because all I was ever taught was to sit down and take it

I remember when the second was hurtful and mean and I didn't understand why so I hurt her right back

And I remember when one twin tried to move the wind and fire and earth so maybe he could feel what it'd be like to live in a world that was magical and free of burden

And I remember when the other twin grew up too fast because she felt unloved by the one person who was supposed to care for her

And yet that one person has no idea how broken and frail and poorly put back together we all are because we are all pretending that everything is good and fine and dandy

And she doesnt understand how one could love someone who hurts and stabs and breaks other people

Because we all love someone who has hurt and stabbed and broken us still

And I admit that I would go back to the time before where honeysuckles still lingered in the air

And where cats bounded through the grass every april 

And when I could say I had a family with uncles and aunts and cousins and a grandma and a father

And I admit that the time we spent together was not enough

The time we all held each other on a trampoline with a blanket underneath us and watched the stars dance

And we would've stayed all night if only the mosquitos didnt eat at our arms and legs and left us itching the pain away

If only