One of the many unwelcome facets of my enlarged prostate, along with what the medical profession euphemistically calls “weak stream”, “retention”, “urgency” and “hesitancy”, is the embarrassing feature that I can’t piss straight.

Obviously, I piss broadly forwards but “forwards” ranges mathematically from 10 to 170 deg, or geographically from ENE to WNW.  Consequently when I am at home or at other people’s houses I sit down like a woman to dribble out a 10 minute piss; fellow sufferers will know this is a rather unsatisfying experience.

I rather look forward, then, to going to a pub or café where I choose not to be quite so careful (I know, I know!)

To introduce another strand to this thread, readers may be aware of the unblinkered support Tim Martin, the owner of Wetherspoon, gave and continues to give to Brexit.

It pleases me no end therefore to unleash my random spray in his toilets – it’s a medical condition, you understand. 

My interpretation of Standing Up For Brexit.