(I have just been fitted with hearing aids - a double-edged sword if ever there was one!)

 

Said the audiologist

“Do you hear what I hear?

Which conversations do you miss?

Do you hear what I hear?

Try to use this tiny little bug

And stuff it here in your lug;

Does clear stuff come now through the fug?”

 

“Whoa” I said “no need to shout,

I can hear what you hear;

Now I’m missing next to nowt,

I can hear what you hear;

The birds the bees, the breezes in the trees

I’d forgotten such sweet sounds as these -

Ah, Mother Nature’s sounds like these”

 

What a difference this has made;

I can hear Our Gert now

When I wear this hearing aid;

She is bloody loud now;

From now on I won’t have much excuse

Ignoring all of her abuse -

I’ll be able to hear Ourt Gert’s abuse

 

“I’m afraid I have to say

Better when I couldn’t hear

It kept her silent all the day

Every time she’d bend my ear;

FORTISSIMO on her treble clef;

I’ll leave it preferring I was deaf -

It’s better when I was stone deaf”