Greetings cards with wine or wellies

Gardening, golf and air guitars

Flawless lawns, beer bellies

For this is what you are

 

You’re slower, balder, fuller faced

Your jokes fall flat and stale

That bike you bought, still in its place

Another mid-life fail

 

The Lycra was more than a stretch

You ’re living in the past

Running uphill makes you retch 

And your trousers are half mast

 

Still think you’re youthful?

Well, you’re not

To be brutally truthful 

You’ve lost the lot

 

Your football shirt lies in the drawer

And will be staying there I feel

As if you pull it on once more

You’ll shred that Achilles heel

 

So embrace a more sedentary life

And when you next feel frisky

No wayward glances towards your wife

Just reach for a Black Bush whiskey

 

Forget about that cover drive

You once imagined that you had 

Just be grateful you’re still alive

And someone calls you “Dad”

 

They’ll occasionally acknowledge you 

And tolerate your presence

Although you wear socks and sandals too

And look like Donald Pleasance

 

Oh, age of grumpiness and gout

When everything seems grey

Remember what it’s all about

Happy. Father’s. Day.