(Some of you older gits might remember Tennessee Ernie Ford's copy of my original he entitled "Sixteen Tons")

 

Some people say a man is made out of mud

A poor   man’s made out of muscle and blood

Muscle and blood and skin and bone

A mind that’s weak and a back that’s strong.

 

But this man’s not made out of muscle and bones

Too many chips and beers and cream scones

Too little exercise; too long I’ve been sat

This man’s made out of blubber and fat.

I weigh 16 stones of blubber and lard

My belly’s now soft when once it was hard

St Peter don’t you call me till I’ve lost weight

I can’t fit through your pearly gates.

 

Lettuce and jogging I consider a sin

I’ve fat round my thighs and three double chins

I sweat all day from towing my wrop

One pin prick and I’m likely to pop.

I weigh 16 stones of blubber and lard

My belly’s now soft when once it was hard

St Peter don’t you call me till a later date

Until I fit through your pearly gates.

 

The days are long gone that I dressed to impress

My underpants now are all XOS

The only types of clothing that I can buy

That aren’t XOS are my shoes and my tie.

I weigh 16 stones of blubber and lard

My belly’s now soft when once it was hard

St Peter don’t you call me you'll have to wait

I’d get stuck between your pearly gates.

 

My wardrobes filled with nothing that fits

My shirts cannot hie my wobbly tits

I’m out of breath when I climb up the stairs

For a seat on the bus they charge me two fares.

I weigh 16 stones of blubber and lard

My belly’s now soft when once it was hard

St Peter don’t you call me I'm gonna be late

Unless you widen your pearly gates.