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I Smile In The Face Of Death

As I wake up flat on my back

in an unfamiliar bed,

surrounded by hazy faces

and teary eyes,

and wobbly smiles,

I find that I cannot

for the life of me

remember who and why

they are here for this old guy.

 

A figure clad in black, too,

stands right there at the door.

I don't know why they won't come in

or why they're being ignored.

Perhaps, I think,

they're just a bore,

or perhaps they’re lost.

I try to beckon them to come close,

but my limbs are unworking

and they smile softly like they know.

I frown and he gently shakes his head,

mouthing to me 'a little more’.

I don't know what it means,

but I let it go.

 

I direct my face back to the crowd,

grim and sorrow-stricken faces greet mine.

I want to crack a joke 

to lighten up the mood a bit,

but it appears my voice has failed me.

Yet, something in me stirs to life,

as my eyes flit from face to face.

There's something so familiar 

about the shape of their eyes,

the slope of their noses,

the curves of their lips,

a memory on the verge of being caught,

slips right through the gaps of my fingers.

I reach out,

and out,

and out,

and ou-

 

The feeling of a hand in mine

snaps me back.

The man’s face is tear-streaked,

yet still he gives me a crooked smile.

I note that he's got the same smile as I.

He squeezes my hand tight,

a comforting gesture, 

I gather my remaining strength

and manage a gentle squeeze back,

he seems like he needs it, that's all.

 

The figure approaches at last,

stepping carefully over the threshold.

There's a hint of finality in the air now,

and by the looks of it the others 

must have sensed it too,

for they've all hung their heads low.

The figure places a hand on my head,

freezing cold yet burning with warmth,

I lean into it and, oh.

 

Oh, I remember now.

Slowly, I move my head from left to right.

There sits my son

and there sits his wife.

There weeps my daughter,

her friend clutching her tight.

There stands my grandchild,

holding that toy I bought him

once upon a time.

 

Ah.

It all makes sense now.

Next to me the figure is now 

emitting a strange kind of light.

The hand on my head moves away,

slithering down to hold my trembling one.

‘Come,’ they say, ‘it is time.’

They give me a small smile

as I stand and trail behind,

leaving in my wake,

only the sound of a flatline.

I smile back.

🌷(8)

deathgriefpassingcomfort

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Comments

Yasoda

Mon 26th Aug 2024 05:54

Hey Uilleam, what a lovely quote! I have never heard of Watt Whitman before, but those words make me want to learn more about him, thank you for sharing 💗

Uilleam Ó Ceallaigh

Sun 25th Aug 2024 11:44

The title of your poem reminds me of Walt Whitman's words:
"...I laugh at what you call dissolution
And I know the amplitude of time".
💗

Yasoda

Wed 21st Aug 2024 10:57

Hi Linda, thank you for your lovely comment and suggestions!!

I think you mean the 'he-person' in stanza 4. This person is supposed to be a family member (not specified how close) of the person on their deathbed. That is why there's something familiar about the man (as he is family), but the person can't quite put a finger on it yet. Also why his face is tear-streaked and 'he looks like he might need a squeeze'. The 4th stanza is meant to emphasize the importance of family in one's life. The 3rd stanza ends with the speaker falling into a pit of despair, losing himself a bit, and the feeling of his family member holding his hand is what keeps him from the edge and brings him back to reality.

Hope that clarifies things a bit!! And thank you so much for liking my poem, it means the world to me 💗💗💗

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Linda Guittar

Wed 21st Aug 2024 01:56

This is so sadly beautiful! Hard to believe you are so young. It gave me goose bumps, ...

A few suggestions:
death starts out as "they" and is once "he." I would suggest always "he" unless there is a reason for "they" in which case get rid of the "he."

"I note that he's got the same smile as I" - maybe eliminate this? does anyone know what their real smile looks like? I don't think it adds to the poem.

"I smile back" is priceless.

EXCELLENT WORK. And I'm so sorry for whatever you experienced that inspired this.

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