I’ve got it!  The solution to the above.

The situation has become exacerbated by the glut of brainless protesters and anti-protest protesters who are being pushed through the courts to administer swift deterrence (as opposed to punishment).  The government’s remedy is to let out of prison other “bad lads” in order to make room.

The obvious solution, however, albeit a nettle feared to be grasped, is to raise taxation to fund more prisons (education, defence, the NHS etc).  And I’m not just talking about caning the rich.  Certainly, those most able to bear the biggest burden should do so; but I’m talking about me.  And you, for that matter.

But recognising that governments prefer less “courageous” options, I was impressed by a suggestion of the owner of my local bike shop.

His premises had recently been ram-raided, the front wall demolished and some of his most expensive bikes stolen.  So I expected his suggestion to be a bit more Rhodes Boyson than it was.

But he suggested house arrest.

Miscreants would have to wear a collar tag which would transmit their whereabouts to a Control Centre, alerting them to any breach of their confinement terms. So, for instance, if the ne’er-do-well exceeded the time he was allowed out of the house (say, 1 hour), Control would notify him.  Notification would take the form of a quick zap of electricity from his collar, rather like those dog training collars you can get.  If the prisoner didn’t return to his place of confinement within a specified time, Control would give him a longer, bigger belt.  You get the idea.

I agreed I liked the idea but shared with him my own.

By this, those convicted would be given a 5 minute sentence rather than one of 2 -3 years as they are now.  But for 5 minutes they would be strung up by the nuts.

I shall write to Yvette Cooper.

To deal with overcrowding I’d apply (no if’s, no but’s)

A sentence of 5 minutes being strung up by the nuts