i blame me for putting myself 
in situations that compromised my innocence.

 

i blame me for not being able to 
scream loud enough
or explain enough.

 

i blame me for having people 
probe me like projects.
and attack me like animals.

 

 

i blame myself for creating the 
space that led to my own suffering.

 

 

 

i blame myself for saying yes to 
that date, to end up in a park 
restroom fighting someone off of me. 

when i just thought i was going for a nice park date. 

 

 

i blame myself for allowing someone 
to snatch my innocence in my own home. 
where i was supposed to feel safe. 
where i was supposed to voice anything.

instead, i lay on the floor quietly, 
allowing someone to pull my clothes off 
of me and rub what they said was 
my "good spots". 

i let someone continue over 
3 years to come into my safe space 
and lay me down because they said i had to, 
they said i had no other choice.

 

 

i blame myself for allowing him to choke me, 
leave me on the highway, slap me in my face, 
pull my hair, hold a gun to my head, and 
drive recklessly with the intent to kill. 

because i didn’t agree with his thoughts. 
because i said they were wrong
because i had my own opinions and wants. 

 

 

i blame myself for not being able to protect myself. 
whether i was 5 or 19 i failed at protecting myself. 

so as a 25 year old i learned how to protect myself.