Unearthing a secret:

How to retain such sweetness

                                            while letting go

love of love of you without the hope of you

You found me but I was not lost, oh how my heart and I liked each other then

lovers come and nonlovers go

           belting melodies that never let me be

Seems unfair and also equisite, both at once

 

So many words for resounding joy

               when I am trying for

done

enough

 

The door closing isn't the sad part,

                                           indeed it was almost forgotten what with all the business of blame; distraction; bitter poetry; replacement strategies and so on and so forth

Finally I took a breath,

                                 did some remembering,

                                                                let in some knowing,

and wept

                 because you knew me, like we might have once played in the same cubpack denyard

                                             I thought

you clicked into me like a thick puzzle piece, like music

It is so deeply sad to be so wrong

 

You

never said I was beautfiul

                             not once

so I thought you could see past to my heart, that's what drew you, purity of sweet, real softness of me, beneath the barbed wire

Yet you divorced me for liking bright colors, and exacting words of language speak

I let you be my sun so of course it all looks darker now that you have followed the harp strum off stageleft

Your vow, oaths, standing tall for truth,

                                                           you didn't mean any of them. You like the idea of you meaning them but

slouching through humans so simply simpler

A sadness worthy of great tears, can't count on anything that shines, settles

 

Peace, my peace, is returning home with a soft sigh of release, I'm still proud

Not tall but always I will stand and that is not nothing, eyes shine wide and that's why

Begs the question;

                             Can I just be alone?

                             Give up this quest for a lover? For now?

                             Dig down deep in

I haven't known this before and I expect I won't again

               

Shrouded riddles unseen

                       healing in the works, walk by the ocean and remembering why I was sent for

 

I crave the door shut tightly, sounds howling loudly but they're shut out now, with the

                                                                                                                        sweetness staying

                                                                                                                                            warm by the fire

                                                                                                                                             safe inside

 

still when I am 

still I think on your wildness.