Waiting for him is my only way to hold on

Sitting outside his door, heart racing for it to open.  

This feeling, ineffable to others, is mine alone to bear.  

When his lips move, my soul finds peace

And I smile like a fool, unaware the seeds of betrayal are taking root.  

My laughter echoes, strange and wild

Stirring hidden things in the dark.  

The silence creeps in, always unnoticed at first

Its grip tightening, suffocating.  

And then I lash out, violent, untamed.  

At times, I am mute for days

Carrying the weight of silence, heavy and unbearable.  

Not a word escapes my lips.  

The heart beats, alone

Only he can silence it with his touch

Only he can call me back with his voice.  

Entwined in body, in breath

Whispered poetry in the dark—  

I am desperate, I am breaking

But for what?