Tonight, on Snow TV, The Apprentice

Sir Alan, business mogul (he’s unique)

Who years ago sold shit Amstrad hi-fis

And what does he do now? He’s on each week

On a charade where he pretends to seek

An employee from big-head wannabes

Well surely he employs hundreds of meek

Mild-mannered merely average nobodies

If his business is that huge, and so, please

Spare us the bullshit. Of course, all this is

Is a cheap show like Big Brother with freaks

Who want to be famous briefly, the wheeze

That Warhol talked about in the sixties

And Bros sang about in their high-pitched squeak

Back in an hour or so after I've eaten my TV dinner in front of the Apprentice, which is snowier and harder to see clearly than a polar bear playing for Leeds United in a blizzard...