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Child's perspective

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With impatient expectation

little faces change expression.

laughing alongside a highway of boredom,

chasing endless vanishing points.

 

When tall people break promises

towers of disappointment rise up,

provoking storm clouds from fairytale skies.

Unwished for lessons arrive on punctual lines.

 

At story time imaginations float like dandelion seeds

Suspended disbelief rules the literature hour,

with every savoured tick-tock of the clock,

Un tuned voices sing a ballad future bound.

childhood

◄ Perfect line

Vintage Heart ►

Comments

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melanie coady

Sun 30th Jan 2011 19:30

that's lovely hun

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Elaine Booth

Tue 18th Jan 2011 19:50

Really good. I liked every bit of this poem. This line is very strong:
"Unwished for lessons arrive on punctual lines"

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 13th Jan 2011 20:04

This is lovely, Rachel. 'with every savoured tick-tock of the clock' is superb.

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Rachael Dunn

Thu 13th Jan 2011 13:35

thankyou Andy :)
Ray, your advice has helped me improve the poem, thank you kindly :) x

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Ray Miller

Thu 13th Jan 2011 13:29

Has a lot of charm.
When tall people break promises

towers of disappointment rise up,

That's good, I think and I like The Literature Hour.
I think you could lose fluidly and unaware from first verse.

Unwished for lessons arrive in punctual lines.

Would "on punctual lines" be better? Like trains?

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Andy N

Thu 13th Jan 2011 08:14

nice, like this rachel in particular the last stanza but it's a strong piece...

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