Words on paper
Born: sign here
Words on paper
Love: Marriage: sign here
Words on paper
Careers: Paycheque: sign here
Words on paper
Tortured mind leads to me writing poetry
Words on paper
Death certificate
How insignificant
Words on paper
Yep - the job's a guddun! Original and refreshing poetry Melanie - I enjoyed. x
good work, Red, a tidy little poem that says it all: life, death, and the dumb words in between. x
I think this is your best yet, a real thing to say about universal experience, in your own unique way. IMO, the repetition is excellent as it highlights your basic idea perfectly.
i do like the structure of this poem, melanie.. probably my favourite of yours so far and i think you work well towards the end...
i think steven is right on the 'me' too..
top stuff - keep em coming! x
thanks everyone xx
A good idea with powerful symbolism, and taken fulll circle. A poem that says things worth saying about being human, being mortal, as the best poetry should.
<Deleted User> (6895)
Tue 15th Mar 2011 20:42
Flip! I nearly missed this pearler-neat little cracker!x
Rachel - I once saw/experienced a spiral sculpture up in the Green Fields at Glastonbury, in which the artist encouraged people to leave notes for 'absent friends'. It was the most heartbreaking set of notes/words that I've ever read in my life. By the time me and my mate had walked around into the middle, we were crying
Philipos
Tue 15th Mar 2011 15:39
I liked this original approach to the papers that involve a person's life and by which we are sometimes defined x
i like the idea of insignificant words on paper,the insignificanceof life in all its beurocracy...
i once saw an exhibition of suicide notes...tragic last words all written with a last desperate hope to reach another person.
I think we deal too much in printed words these days and a word in print might hold more importance even though it is so depersonalised. once something is written it is indelible...i like tp write as much shite as i talk as i belive there s a lot to be said for humour in relation to the seriousness of words.
thanks lads xx i didn't really think about how i was writing it guys i just write it down the way it comes into my head lol maybe i should start reading over things lol
I like this on the whole - but I don't think you need the 'me' or the 'how insignificant'
I like the idea of this, and think it starts strong, but gets a little out of control on the 4th line. Perhaps cut a few words out, tighten it up a little?
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<Deleted User> (8951)
Mon 11th Apr 2011 15:21
Hi Melaine
this is a ace poem you'v hit the nail on the head...