Watching the ocean cherryspit villages across the fields
And spew the wreckages of an age into the Kyoukai
Where the flotsam and the derelict are indiscernible
From the hoardings and the fabric of the cot, the house
The workstation and the supermarket fittings
I can’t help but think that
If the waves keep rolling, rolling
Rolling on
They would be strong enough
To wash away the shadows
On the steps of the Sumitomo Bank
Thanks A.E.! Very kind words...
Hi Nash,
Admired the way you came at these tragic events from a different angle, and without overt sentimentality. Great cross-referencing and an understatedly humanitarian conclusion.
Excellent,
regsards,
A.E.
Thanks Elaine - actually what I was thinking was that no matter the atrocities mankind inflicts on one another - nature will be the one to have the final say
I like the fact that your poem is short yet packs so many references in. Am I being picky / dense perhaps but it seems to me the waves aren't something benevolent that can wash away the horror. Would "wish" put a different spin on it rather than "think"? I guess the subject matter is going to evoke very personal responses. I very much like "cherryspit".
Thanks chaps, much appreciated!
Ray, it's purposeful - both the clumsiness and awkwardness of the language/sentence and the, made up words (cherryspit). i just like doing that, nothing fancy particularly. but thank you!
The poem provokes some thought, which is good, and it's nicely written and weighted except maybe "the wreckages of an age" which sounds clumsy, I think. Not sure wreckages is a word.
I would echo what Greg has said.
The image both literal that exists from 45 and how you contextualise it and create a new image from it- sombre and appropriate.
P.S
Good to see you post again Nash
My Best
Chris
Such a difficult subject to write about, but I think you've pulled it off. Important to link it to 1945. Especially as the radiation horror is starting all over again.
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
<Deleted User> (8730)
Thu 4th Aug 2011 18:37
Yes, Tsunami, nucvlear explosion?