Comments
You're not making it easy for the reader by employing a non-rhyming first verse and a rhyming third verse, whilst the format changes completely for the 2nd and 4th.It's quite a bump from end of 1st to start of 2nd verse.
I fall like Alice through the rabbit hole
into circumstance beyond my control
might be better.
You just need My fragile needy soul, I think, not the "And".
Finds nothing of the sort is a nice line.
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Rachel Bond
Mon 11th Apr 2011 21:51
'finds nothing of the sort
and falls short of redemption.'
life eh? liked this kenny :)