I'm addicted to cocaine and crossword puzzles
the rush is so intense
snorting a line as I finish The Times
is insane, it's something else

Now the coke's no problem, I can get it on tap
but the puzzles don't last, I was better off on the crack
I'm at the newsagents at quarter to four
knocking him up and banging his door
'Its me Mr Singh, I'm looking to score'
what dya mean you're not open? I'm clucking for more

Cos I'm addicted to cocaine and crossword puzzles
the coke's no biggy but the crosswords are double
it's six in the morning, I'm feeling befuddled
I'm losing my mind, across and down's muddled
so I go online to research my trouble

The clues and the coke combine in the brain
they form a new substance called cryptic clue caine
its much more addictive than smack or the fags
tried sudoko to get off it but it's just not my bag

Cos I'm addicted to cocaine and crossword puzzles
it's getting me barred from shops
when I've got no money
they don't find it funny
when I go in and start ticking clues off
but I'm charged off my face
heart's pumping apace
so I'm off down the street with their paper
running like the wind
comparing synonyms
dickhead tripped over a bin

So now I'm in hospital
can't get no charlie
I'm down to one wordsearch a day
but I'll never forget those heady days
those days on the cryptic cluecaine