cave-crouching morning, sun-ignoring,
bright clean screen preferring.
Figments and windmills.
Wearing no socks today,
- the lawn speaks and invites
through skin, naked uncaged foot fondles grass
naked uncaged mind fondles life
engages, plays, resonates, re-tunes
eats plum from twig
biting raw living sweet flesh
red juice runs like blood down chin.
Wind whispers
go deeper
don't fear
This gateway
is communion
is complete
is not enough
is gateway.
excellent stuff, dave.. really enjoyed this although i reckon it would tie me in knots if i tried performing it - lol
Philipos
Mon 19th Sep 2011 21:20
Great imagery Dave could taste the plum juice.
The only imagery that implied religious connotations, 'for me' other than the title and looser 'gateway', have a primary and surface level relating to nature;
eats plum from twig
biting raw living sweet flesh
red juice runs like blood down chin.
The latter being visceral both in its vivid zest for life and in being an allusion to the blood of Christ and its communion taken by Christians.
Because of this double meaning I take this to be communion and celebration with and of nature, rather than communion in the traditional religious sense. Or at least an expression of the wonders of nature through a religious lens.
I like uncaged foot as words and image- that feeling of freedom from something as simple as grass- a notion vaguely Whitman.
I liked the way the language became more sparse. I think you have to be very careful if using contraction- but felt here it in no way hindered the poem and if anything added.
The only thing I was unsure about was;
bright clean screen preferring
I would consider taking that out personally.
Took a couple of readings to feel right- but I came back so there! haha
P.S
The understatement of the religious combined with the zest for life makes this powerful and allows the reader to infer- good poetry.
I'd be interested to hear your thinking on this poem.
My Best
Chris
Agree, Dave. Enjoyed the imagery.
<Deleted User> (6315)
Sun 18th Sep 2011 00:10
I also enjoyed this Dave..nice work :)
I agree. A new departure. "Cave-crouching morning" grabs your interest straight away.
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Dave Bradley
Tue 20th Sep 2011 12:05
Thanks for commenting, Andy, Philipos, Chris, John, Stella, Greg and Steve - who is spot on in outing me as an ex-hippy. Although I was always more scruff than hippy - I've added a photo from 1971 for fun. I'm the guy at the back.
Chris has thrown down a challenge. This actually happened. I was glued to the screen as so many WOL-ites are, from time to time. Then I realised the sun was shining and maybe there was something better outside. I happened to have bare feet. The plums happened to be ripe, why pick 'em before eating 'em, when it's rained the night before and Nature has washed them?
Faith should not exist in religious boxes. It either pervades everything or is nothing. For me, that is because a personal God is everywhere. But, if at all possible, faith should make bridges rather than barriers. If my pagan or atheist or whatever friends like the poem, fine, and respect to them.