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Snowmen
The children flew
and snow-hush fell
upon stone
and of a morning
tattooed wounds
and woven welts
froze
pitter-patter meaning.
He bends and forges
replicas
in remembrance
of past faces.
Shovels, brushes,
signatures
dismembered
masterpieces
No - it's not an obvious one Ray. Maybe that's because I can't imagine feeling that level of sadness once my kids leave home :) It has more the smack of a permanent leaving - an overwhelming loss - and only because I read your explanation have I probably picked up on that.
If you were going to tweak it, I would put something in about the loss of laughter/chatter - that might give more of a clue.
Ha! Nobody understood it elsewhere either. It's obviously a flawed masterpiece - but I really like it. I found myself writing with the voice of someone whose kids leave home and the loss is such that he makes replicas. This is not my voice, not how I would feel come the glad day!Maybe I should change the title.
Thanks Steve and John.
Reads well out loud (which is just the job for this site!).
Lovely alliterative flow to it.
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winston plowes
Sat 24th Sep 2011 13:58
great images in just a few words Ray, my kind of poem. Loved it. Win