LOVE IS DEAD

 

So it is time, love is dead, I have no girl only desolate loneliness

spreading out inside me, sadness leaving tears beyond belief

in this dark hour of my blackness. Mental instability threatens

my very existence, brings trauma and flashbacks, past into focus,

fight as I might. Breaking down to cry in anger at my own loneliness,

find a knife in my hand after hours, days of tragic thoughts.

A barrier is crossed October17, every 3^rd week of the month a new cut

on my leg,  see the red blood through water eyes of tears, my perfect leg

scarred now forever.  Not my actions but my hand did it, alive on its own –

an extension of my wounded mind. Yet who can save me from this end game,

end it before my end? Love could, heal me, save me, take my pain, despair,

loneliness, sadness, anger, anxiety, depression, negativity, take it all away

and bring a positive. Yet I dream of my soulmate, a fool’s dream.

How talented am I, yet I am not alright in matters of the heart,

no woman puts her arms around me, no blanket of love to end

my instability. If I have love, find love, I am liable to lose it.

I feel so unstable. What if I lose my mind, self control and self discipline

fails and I lash out, make a tragic mistake? No one must suffer my pain

or upset, who can guide me, for eternity and to the stars? My dreams are empty,

do I drop them and pick up the knife and shed more blood,

through my streaming tears? If I survive, what will a future lover

say at my scars? At the ones she can see? Can she take my mental scars away

and heal me, save me? Or is love dead, my love dead?