Coastlines and Arcades
turn grey
and shutters on gates
dangle in the wind
like clapping hands.
Leaves carry themselves
across the road
like they are mourners
looking for a funeral,
until the nights and days
sink into one
making it appear
that nothing will rise above
the tip of the horizon.
Nothing
Nothing but the coldness
of the air
which makes the kiss
of young lovers
in the distance
seem like
a necessary sacrifice.
Some real stand-out lines Andy:
"Coastlines and Arcades
try grey"
and
"shutters ......
dangle.......
like clapping hands".
Also like the image of the leaves carrying themselves. Very atmospheric. It stays with you long after reading it - perfectly captures this time of year. XXX
<Deleted User> (6895)
Mon 10th Oct 2011 10:24
we shall brave the elements
and say-WOW!
P&S
Hi Win;
Regarding End of Summer IV.. I agree m8. I will sit down and get onto this when I get chance (Running round looking for a new job at the moment).
Hope you are good
Cheers
A
Hi Andy,
You have capture things very nicely in this one.
Could it do with a trim however? e.g.
In 1st stanza didn't understand 2nd lne.
'like they are' could be replaced with 'as' in 2nd stanza
'making it appear' with 'so' in 3rd
the last part is perfect for me. A great seaside snapshot. Win x
Thanks Jeff, Francice and Philipos for your comments here..
I agree with you Philipos over the first stanza.. Am proud of the full piece, but am a huge fan of the first stanza too.
Yes, Francine the piece is very atomsphere based. Was a challenge to write something where so much is sad but not really said.
And Jeff - As a means to an End.. I could imagine it been a total nightmare trying to do this but who knows! lol
I really like this one too, Andy - very atmospheric!
Philipos
Sun 9th Oct 2011 22:37
Like first stanza best but a great poem all round. Piccy was super too.
Great series Andy, just need to do those couple of amends for this and it'll be spot on!
It would be good to experiment on doing a kind of 4 piece concierto on this as A Means to an End, bit like ELO's 4 track 'Concierto for a rainy day' on 'Out of the Blue' - I don't think we're quite up to their standard, but between the lot of us, we might manage something! cheers Jeff
Hi Lynn - glad you like this - it is a typo.. it should be 'necessary' - i'll have to get it amended.. x
Hi Andy, I have enjoyed all of your End of Summer series, and this one is no exception, some great lines once more. x
p.s. did you mean "necessarily" in the last line or should it be "necessary"?
thanks rachel and steve for your comments here.. sadly this series is now concluded but i do have another autumn-ish theme in mind x
i like
'that nothing will rise above
the tip of the horizon.
nothing
and the kiss...
a neccessary sacrifice.
brooding and with a sense of impending danger. great
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John F Keane
Thu 17th Nov 2011 11:19
Nice poem. This might sound a bit pedantic but shouldn't 'necessarily' be 'necessary'?