Sugar Revolution
Be my sugar
experimental poetry free form free verse word association contemporary
I find this unusual-which is a good thing!SugarRevolution grabs you at once and you wonder what the hell's going on here and then it gets you and you get it, but the blood, not so sure, heard that "bleed for me" thing too often before. Agree with Glyn that a little editing would make this a fine poem. Love the forward motion; watch out for spelling mistakes!
Thank you so much for your critic, I'm really horrible at editing, but things just turn out all the better when you do. I'll give it a try. Thanks again you for being so very helpful. Best wishes
I like this and i want to read it again. In fact I have. But an initial reaction is that there is too much here. Rather like candy floss, there's too much sugar. I think editing out some lines could make it a much finer poem.
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Barbi Touron
Tue 21st Feb 2012 05:30
Thanks for the suggestions, spelling is not quite my forte, nor is typing. I do agree with you on the "bleed for me thing" happening way to much. I just really like blood. I think I will slowly keep editing this one until it feels more refined. Thanks your critic really helped. Cheers