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Late Winter Silhouette.
Crows repose
and seem to grow
directly from the trees,
like leaden fruit
on spartan branches
weathering the freeze.
How We Used to Live.
When bestiaries were commonplace
and symbolised a path to grace, the
sheen that lights a raven’s wing was
held to be a common thing;
before such features lost their claim
to hallow detail with a name.
<Deleted User> (10123)
Fri 30th Mar 2012 01:30
Mighty good taste of skill-filled poetry. Crammed with mouth-watering succulence. Thanks for giving us tea on the Upper Terrace, ta muchly, Nick.
you could perhaps change 'archipelago' to 'island necklace'
Excellent and well worthy of a competition.
(a very, very, tentative suggestion: I think the penultimate line of the last one needs another beat)
But still excellent.
<Deleted User> (10185)
Thu 29th Mar 2012 08:46
A joy to read
Travis Brow
Thu 29th Mar 2012 06:59
I don't know what to say. I'm overwhelmed really. Thank you all. I was planning to enter the Rialto comp. but it didn't occur to me that these poems count as published work. I'll have a think. I've never had any luck with previous comps. Ray, i agree with your comment about 'archipelago' if only because it makes the line one letter too long - and i do like precision. Mind you, nothing i write is ever finished and i constantly edit so i'll give it some more attention. Thanks again.
Stunning images delivered in brilliant word pictures.I keep re-reading them. This is one to be proud of and, as Laura says, definitely competition material. Quick fill in the entry form! xx
These are very good. These two lines are as fine as I've seen for a long while.
in mirrors made by cloud, for cloud,
to catch its own decline.
Mind, I'd do without "archipelago".
Sprung, like novel punctuation - that's terrific, too. Pity you haven't a rhyme for "grace"!
Julian - each one is different, I've found. I've asked publishers before and almost all of them have said that WOL isn't the same as being published, but I suppose with such a big comp as the rialto one, better to be safe than sorry.
This is a brilliant poem btw - you'd be daft not to enter it
better check the regs for the comp. if it needs to be unpublished, take it off here and put it back after the competition deadline. I keep saying that we should treat these blogs as unpublished, work-in-progress; an online workshop, to distinguish it from publication that would prevent entry to mags and comps.
perhaps we need two sections: one called work-in-progress, one called published, or similar.
or not?
If you haven't already entered this into the RSPB and Rialto nature poetry comp, then you should!
This is a poetic feast!!
Every line is perfection - I really love this.
Excellent.
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Travis Brow
Fri 30th Mar 2012 07:00
Thanks again for your comments. I take them seriously.
Yvonne,I've eliminated 'archipelago' entirely. I'll post the re-written version soon.
Harry,I've always thought the last line might have warranted an extra beat rather than the penultimate line, but I'll look again. Thanks