Richer, tomorrow

by Phil Golding

Monday 10th November 2008 10:27 am (first posted 1st January 2009)

This month's poem was chosen by Sean Kavanagh who says of it, "It's a wonderful evocation of the devastation of chronic disease, and how writing verse can help you to overcome it."

Find out more about Phil and his work at http://www.writeoutloud.net/poets/philgolding

Richer, tomorrow

For that richer tomorrow
I had only planned it yesterday
There, it lies, fragmented
Desolate in the hallway of my mind
That blue print, MY blue print
Ground into the carpets weave
As if 'worked over' by an industrial vacuum cleaner
Parts flake off, my future floats away
Like the ashes from a burning fire
They say I’ve got an involuntary tremor
Or this Parkinson’s gig
Why me WHY MEeeeeeee!
I’ve got a wonderful wife
She doesn’t deserve all this
And my boys, MY BOYS
They are only young
They don’t want a dad
On meds destined for a wheelchair
Fingers crossed for tremor

I went to see this specialist today.
‘One more test for you, Mr Golding’
BASTARDS, I’VE GOT PARKISON’S
That’s it life over, totally screwed
Why couldn’t you tell me four years ago?
When I started putting my family through it
Started four long years of study
For a degree I can't use
My future, a huge metal climbing frame
Twisted into impossible shapes
Fashioned by this, this jug-naught thing!
Why me God?
Why couldn’t the truck turned off earlier
Instead of me being up the junction
My whole LIFE is down the pan
My plan, My plan
My ………..flush
Dawns first awakenings rush into my mind
In the hallway of my mind sits my phone
The green answering machine light flashed
On off, on off, on off ON
Was I actually dreaming?
Pressed the listen button, eh
“This is deep thought”, this voice said,
“We have come up with a plan”.
I splashed cold water on my face
Starred at this bloke in the mirror
Then my face light like a 200watt light bulb
YES, if I just do this, tweak that
I HAD a plan, I can achieve, I will achieve
That metal frame is forged anew
Got myself a new flexible enabling plan
Got choice, got my goals
Parky will always be nipping at my heals
But for now Parky mate,
I’m in charge
Its two fingers to you.

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More from Poem of the month

Poem of the month » Smoking Outside

1st Jun 2011

Poem of the month » Dad's Ladders

1st May 2011

Poem of the month » My Heart's Triumphant Cry

1st Apr 2011

Poem of the month » Wife and Mother

1st Mar 2011

Comments

<Deleted User> (2098)

Fri 30th Jan 2009 11:41

very good ...moving but short of over sentimental i enjoyed it,,,j

<Deleted User> (5247)

Wed 28th Jan 2009 14:53

I read and I listen and I too felt quite humble, i wish you love and strength to face the road ahead, God bless you and your family. June

Andy Sewina aka Danny Wise

Wed 14th Jan 2009 09:40

Hi Phil. I feel the frustration of your situation coming through in this work. I love the bit about the telephone and the optimism and the final act of defiance. All power to you!

<Deleted User>

Mon 12th Jan 2009 09:35

I felt it was inappropriate to judge this poem as it was already 'chosen' so I purposely didn't comment, however, I still found it engaging. If there was an invitation to criticise it would be on the blog - which it was at some point I assume. Anyway well done to you again and debate is good but we can't please all and why should we. The ethos of WOL is reflected in what happens on here!

Philip Golding

Sat 10th Jan 2009 19:39

I thank each and everyone who has commented on my poem. I especially thank Sean for choosing my poem as POM. I for one value this accolade. As with everything in life, learning and discovering poetry is a long and enjoyable experience.

May this feature continue as is.

Julian (Admin)

Thu 8th Jan 2009 13:42

Where to start Darren? Yes, you can go against the consensus (hurrah!); that's the point of this. And, you do raise valid questions about the rationale and ethos of this site. Does it pretend to be a poetry mag? What is it for? Who is it for? etc.
If we are a poetry mag, what are the editorial guidelines (number one, have some guidelines)? I accept that we are disappointingly opaque about such matters, not least to ourselves.
On the choice itself, Phil would be the first to want his poem chosen for its merits rather than: Ah, bless, he's got Parkinson's. I also know Sean, and he has little patience with poor poetry. And Sean has a particular interest in such issues because of his medical background.
But the piece does have a great deal of merit and provides insight into a world of which I would otherwise know nothing. It does so with some good imagery and humour.
I do agree with you about what you generously call typo's. I really wish our poets would proof and edit their work before putting it on the site, but that applies across the piece. They would not dream of submitting to a poetry mag without triple-checking grammar and spelling (or would they?). But, let he who is without sin cast the first comma, Darren.
The sole criterion is that it must be picked by the previous month's POTM writer; a free choice within the poems not already chosen.
We decided on that approach after earlier criticism that we were making our own, apparently arbitrary choices (but that's what editors do). It was a temporary expedient that has stuck.
Come and join our editorial team and help us in our quest for the answers - or at least the next set of questions.
If you, or anyone else, has an idea for a role you would like to play in the website, please get in touch and we will take up your offer (if we feel like it - ?).
p.s. Didn’t know you had a coat?
Cheers.

garside

Wed 7th Jan 2009 09:50

Hi Darren i think you have a point in what is the criteria for poem of the month - will post this as a discussion methinks...

winston plowes

Wed 7th Jan 2009 09:43

What is the criteria? Maybe it really IS just one persons opinion. Are we alowed to take into acount what we know of the of the writer?. I did when I left my feedback (see below) and felt that this as well as Phil's personal back story (Having also met him) was qualification enough. (Darren, don't be daft, put your coat back on the peg. Constructive comments should never be isolating). Winston

darren thomas

Wed 7th Jan 2009 09:16

Err, can I go against the general consensus here? While I totally agree with the sentiment,
I've watched Phil perform his poetry from his WOL debut up until fairly recently. He is much improved in both his delivery and style. And Sean, poetry is subjective and you're more than entitled to your opinion. However, I believe that there are far better poems on this site that are more deserving of the 'poem of the month accolade'. Poems written both for performance and for the page. I know I risk further isolation/alienation but even having considered the cause and affect of my words, I still think that it's only fair that I'm allowed to say what I think.
Phil's poem sounds and reads like a narrative. It could qualify as 'narrative of the month' but again - that's subjective. There are typo's in the piece and some grammatical errors and while this shouldn't distract a reader - it does.
This is not a dig at either Phil or Sean - just perhaps a public bewilderment at what the criteria is (apart from one person's opinion) to be considered for 'poem of the month'?
Now, where's my coat?

<Deleted User>

Sun 4th Jan 2009 00:27

Very moving and touching . Best wishes Nabila

winston plowes

Fri 2nd Jan 2009 11:21

Hi Phil,
Well deserved poem of the month. Now THIS is poetry of a personal nature. The powerful juggernaut of a serious illness met head on by your determination, I would like to join the others below in wishing you all the best for 2009 and beyond. Hope to see / hear you soon.
Winston

<Deleted User> (5646)

Fri 2nd Jan 2009 09:57

Oh yes, indeed this is a wonderful tribute for Phil in the start of another new year.
Fantastic choice Sean!
More than anything else in this sometimes dreary world we ALL need hope and Phil displays this and determination to overcome his obstacles he knows he needs to face.

Here's wishing you many more happy and pain free tomorrows Phil.
Love and light, Janet.x

Chris Dawson

Thu 1st Jan 2009 11:05

Fantastic work. Absolutely perfect choice for the first day of the year.
Cx

garside

Thu 1st Jan 2009 09:57

I found this poem a humbling experience to read - how quickly we forget how fortunate we really are...

So many images in this work Phil -

the one that stands out for me at this point has to be -

My future, a huge metal climbing frame
Twisted into impossible shapes

great choice Sean, thank you Phil.

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