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I've Cried Enough For You

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I've never seen the sky so blue
The grass so green, the day so new
I can't believe it but it must be true
I've cried enough for you.
 
I've been so long in empty rooms
A bed, a window and the moon
My discipline has seen me through
I've cried enough for you
 
I'm coming down the mountainside
The path is steep, my heart is wide
It's dark and haunted in these pines
I've worn these old clothes through
 
My case is packed, I'm leaving soon
The feelings fresh but hardly new
I've tipped my hat and paid my dues
I've cried enough for you.
 
I've made the change, I'm coming through
New job, new town, new suit and shoes
I'll hit the street and join the queue
I've cried enough for you.
 
....
 
A rare foray into rhyme... apologies to anyone who is anyway musical

◄ The Desk

Paxos ►

Comments

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Jade

Tue 23rd Oct 2012 17:19

I agree with the other comments - should be angrier - might be more powerful (it's already quite powerful!)

Also the Chorus would sound better - more scared and alone if it was contrasted with angrier verses.

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 22nd Oct 2012 15:10

Nice :)

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Tom Harding

Wed 17th Oct 2012 18:41

Thanks all... comments appreciated and duly noted

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 16th Oct 2012 12:32

Nice to find lines that translate into song at the switching on of a mike! Cordially suggest "self-control" replace "discipline" in the relevant line above. The alliteration in "self" leads neatly on to "seen". Lastly...
how about using the AAB|AAB (verse/verse/chorus format before finishing your song with a repetition of the final verse - with some REAL hurting emphasis on "I've cried enough for you"! And sing it LOUD friend, you have something worth hearing.
NO apologies needed. Like it!

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Mick Waring

Mon 15th Oct 2012 22:49

.. Good lyrics, but your anger has faded away. Wait till you're in a really bad mood then record it again ! .. this is letting her win !


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Harry O'Neill

Mon 15th Oct 2012 22:45


Tom,
Nice `getting over it now` poem.

Your rhyming is okay, too much exactitude sometimes spoils it. You`ve got the actual vowel sounds spot on...It read natural.

Mind, with a bum like that are you sure you`ve done the right thing?

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