I've Cried Enough For You
Nice :)
Thanks all... comments appreciated and duly noted
Nice to find lines that translate into song at the switching on of a mike! Cordially suggest "self-control" replace "discipline" in the relevant line above. The alliteration in "self" leads neatly on to "seen". Lastly...
how about using the AAB|AAB (verse/verse/chorus format before finishing your song with a repetition of the final verse - with some REAL hurting emphasis on "I've cried enough for you"! And sing it LOUD friend, you have something worth hearing.
NO apologies needed. Like it!
.. Good lyrics, but your anger has faded away. Wait till you're in a really bad mood then record it again ! .. this is letting her win !
Tom,
Nice `getting over it now` poem.
Your rhyming is okay, too much exactitude sometimes spoils it. You`ve got the actual vowel sounds spot on...It read natural.
Mind, with a bum like that are you sure you`ve done the right thing?
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Jade
Tue 23rd Oct 2012 17:19
I agree with the other comments - should be angrier - might be more powerful (it's already quite powerful!)
Also the Chorus would sound better - more scared and alone if it was contrasted with angrier verses.