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When I Was Your Father

I used to call you Clockwork Mouse -

wound by an invisible hand

on waking and off you went

 

like Mr Fluff, the cat who leapt

from our fifth floor flat

to a broken leg and holes in the head.

 

We paid the visits to the vet,

bathed the wounds and he bounced back

into the nest for several years

 

and a new address; then his face

appeared less and less except

on telegraph poles and lampposts.

 

We called his name for several weeks,

then one day we didn’t and found he lived

with a family over the common.

 

I saw him once and hollered out

but he’s probably taken another name

or else has just forgotten.

 

It’s precious hard to fathom a cat –

harder still to ask for one back.

 

 

 

 

  

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Comments

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Ray Miller

Mon 11th Feb 2013 11:54

Thanks, Yvonne, Steve.There's been others who didn't get the gist, Steve.

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Yvonne Brunton

Sun 10th Feb 2013 00:40

I like:- 'then his face

appeared less and less except

on telegraph poles and lampposts.'

I think the title is good.
May be you could add the words 'like you' in the penultimate verse:-
'Or else, like you, has just forgotten.

Great poem.

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Ray Miller

Sat 9th Feb 2013 13:42

Steve. No, I don't mind that people find unintended meanings in my poems. Except that I'm aware that this particular poem has been repeatedly misunderstood so it becomes a problem for me. I'd like people to realise that it's a metaphor whilst retaining whatever subtleties are present.Sometimes a mere change of title can do the trick - but not with this one, I fear.

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Ray Miller

Sat 9th Feb 2013 11:02

Thanks. It's not really about a cat, metaphor and all that. I've tried 2 other titles for this - Changeling - To A Daughter Whose Name I'm Unsure Of. Dunno what's best.

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John Aikman

Fri 8th Feb 2013 16:26

'It’s precious hard to fathom a cat –
harder still to ask for one back.'

I think that's an almost perfect poem on its own. No co-incidence that it is 17 syllables!

It's precious hard to
fathom a cat, harder still
to ask for one back.

Fucking genius. No, I mean it.

Brill
Lovely.
Fab!

: )
Jx

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Laura Taylor

Fri 8th Feb 2013 16:18

Some lovely sonics in here Ray, and agree with Steve, a poignancy about the whole of the piece. I like how that last line links in with the first verse too.

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