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Salford snowfall

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Outside the third-floor window, snowflakes float

Sailing, then sinking in full formation

Frail frozen fleet, soon flattened underfoot

Failing, falling to its destination

Headlights, tail-lights flow from Salford station

Forgetting office facts and office files

Filing themselves away as suburban

Freed from the city by four or five miles
The snow, the shadows, lie in light / dark piles

This freezing season with its frosty coat

This frightened evening, white, black, tight-woven

On forlorn pavements, forgotten exiles

From frequent footfalls, I'll now plant my feet

Forlornly fleeing fate's final function

A sonnet about today's snowfall!

◄ On the 250th anniversary of Robert Burns' birth

Phases of phrases ►

Comments

Helen Thomas

Tue 3rd Feb 2009 16:06

I love a bit of alliteration and I think the 'f' sound is perfect for a poem about snow with its associations with things like fluff and feathers.

I also liked the subtle internal rhymes of 'freezing season' and 'frightened evening' aswell as the echo between
'frozen fleet' and 'fleeing fate's'.
I find sonnets really difficult so respect anyone who can make them look so effortless, and to write one every day? That takes stamina!

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Anthony Emmerson

Tue 3rd Feb 2009 14:06

Hi Antonionioni.
Glad you liked "High-life-low-life" and thanks for your comments.
I went to Uni in Salford many years ago - a wonderful place, full of life and character. You certainly managed to pack in the f*****g alliteration here! A small grammatical observation:

Outside the third-floor window, snowflakes float

Sailing, then sinking in full formation

Frail frozen fleet, soon flattened underfoot

Failing, falling to its destination

Headlights, tail-lights flow from Salford station

In line 4 I think "its" reads better as "their" - plural for the snowflakes. There is a Betjemanesque quality about this - I suppose it's the mention of suburbia and the filing away of city workers. Nice one.
Regards,
A.E.

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Chris Dawson

Tue 3rd Feb 2009 08:16

Liked this one very much - liked the alliteration and some beautiful images. If you don't mind me saying though - I would replace the oblique with a comma - isn't it that the piles are both light and dark at the same time? The oblique, to me, suggests an either/or. Just a thought.
Cx

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