Independence Day

Monday 16th September 2013 8:21 pm

Here we go -

Dredging her room and netting the hairdryer, straightners, bulging cases of clothes and IT, dismantling the computer desk, loading buckets and bleach

To squeeze the car skyscraper high

And driving through screwdriver rain

The length of England.

Scrubbed and kitted

The past, present and future knitted with cuddly toy and pillowed dreams,

The bed now empty left unmade where nightly cheek took my kiss;

And fathers don’t show it

And mothers don’t say it.

We travel back in torrential dusk –

She’s gone

Comments

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 26th Sep 2013 17:10

Your signature 'shaft' straight to the heart of the reader, exposing so poetically a universal experience. Your craft and graft make your poetry always top quality.

(LOL, I did not do that on purpose -'-aft', so I'm leaving it.)

Dave Bradley

Mon 23rd Sep 2013 23:40

Only just found this and loved it. They do often settle where they go to uni - handy if it's London!

Starfish

Thu 19th Sep 2013 09:37

I can empathise greatly with this having gone through it thrice - and it doesn't get any easier. I even get sad when I pass others on the motorway (cars piled high) enduring the same 'trauma'. The emotion is captured well in this poem.
Starfish

Ian Whiteley

Wed 18th Sep 2013 18:48

love this Jane - pretty much agree with what everyone else has said - particularly good use of language and image and the 'screwdriver rain' line IS very effective. I also like the nice simple end line that jars against the lengthier and more image rich lines that precede it - it works very well

Ian

jane wilcock

Tue 17th Sep 2013 13:58

Thankyou so much for your thoughts. Mines gone from Bolton to London, Greg, so we may have passed on weeping motorways.

Isobel

Tue 17th Sep 2013 08:21

Beautiful Jane. I love the way the title contrasts so sharply to the emotions of the poem. You expect joy, release, happiness but the poem delivers nostalgia and more than a little sadness at your loss. I love the effect of the unspoken here. xx

And fathers don’t show it
And mothers don’t say it.
We travel back in torrential dusk –
She’s gone

<Deleted User> (6895)

Mon 16th Sep 2013 23:22

ditto all previous comments.Well done Jane.xx

<Deleted User> (9882)

Mon 16th Sep 2013 22:40

the whole poem,title and all,go together perfectly -really enjoyed this one Jane,and always nice to have you back on board.My very best regards to you

x

Greg Freeman

Mon 16th Sep 2013 21:40

Very effective and well-crafted poem, Jane. Liked "screwdriver rain", "the past, present, and future knitted", "torrential dusk", and the parents' reactions. My sister-in-law experienced the same thing this weekend, journeying from Brighton to Manchester, both children now gone.

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Independence Day

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