This poem will be part of the Charity event readings in Manchester on Monday, see gig guide for details.


Finding the strength to leave.
--------------------------------------
give me a scar
hiding a secret
of self harm
this band of bruises
you pinned upon my arm
is it my fault?
something tugs at me, says ‘it is’
you got no charm,
when you beat me
cuz I cooked the tea wrong
you don’t belong, here,
even though half the house is yours
half my heart is still mine,
just about.
ill find the strength to leave
the stupid thing is
I know ill pine and grieve
for you, even when I’m far from here
and I know you’ll try and search me out
get on your knees and shout about
how you love me
but look at this
this armband of bruises
I’m sinking
and its me that chooses to drown it seems
clear in the murky confusing streams
of tears
when you bend my ear
uttered form you in rage
Its Thursday, and Thursday is steak day, get it?”
wallop goes the plate
scattered mice the kids dive for cover
eggs in broken crates
my family is fragile
have a look at what your doing
its nothing to celebrate
every night you get in late
with the stench of lager from the slate
of lending, the kids need shoes!
so screw your booze! I scream
but wallop slap back of the end
you mean bastard.
bastard.
I love you.
bastard
I love you
I’m never coming back
you will change tomorrow
wont you
convinced myself you will
friends say leave him
but I down another pill
a difficult thing to do
so easier said than done
how many calls to mothering mum
she calls you a bastard too
but oh god why do I love you
why.
Shirley Valentine made you cry when you watched it
I know there’s a shred of compassion
not in a fashion you may know
not in the passion of your pummelled blows
not in my cigarette scar and ember glow
of pain, I stub you out on my arm
but you still wont go away
just stop this violence, please
I fell down the stairs, ok?
what’s with the stares at me.
never seen a black eye on a widow?
you never seen a veil on a bride?
never known pain, you have to hide away?
you never had to go thru all of this
the counselling session, this sunny day.
finding the strength to leave
taking the kids with me
finding the strength to leave.
Half the house is empty
half of me with it.
but enough left to rebuild.






Pete Crompton, March 2009