I was happy and never knew it,
Sad and knew it so well.
Love slipped by but I never noticed,
though love has marked me well.
Winter passed and summer came
yet I was living in the cold.
My love has turned and passed me by
and outside the world grows old.
Happiness is trapped for me
When love had cast its spell
I was happy and never knew it
Sad and knew it so well
<Deleted User> (11967)
Thu 27th Feb 2014 19:55
There is something that made me think about happiness itself.. Simple phrases, but absolutely meaningful.. Always looking for something special ..special day.. special words.. and even special happiness... we're are missing the chance to be happy right now or at least.. to admit it.. You're happy.. do u feel it?)
Great! I like it!
I like the premise of this poem - the sense of
not knowing what you have got when you have it
and the tragedy of awareness that comes too late.
From a personal POV, I would have discarded the
last line of the first stanza. It seems a bit
awkward in the context and I would have gone for
something like -
While life passed by pell-mell.
- also keeping the rhyme lines that feature in the
rest.
But that's just my view, no more.
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Steve Higgins
Sat 1st Mar 2014 15:42
Thanks for dropping in MC and Lesya.
You've got a good point about line 4 MC. That line has been stuck on my pad for a long time and has been responsible for starting off quite a few poems of mine but until now has never made into the final cut. Its been on the cutting room floor for so long -and its such a nice line- I decided to keep it in but as you have noticed it doesn't quite fit.
I continually re hash my poems so I'll return to this and sort it soon,
Thanks, Steve