As a proper poet I must have an unasked-for and misinformed opinion about the issues of the day. Here's my thoughtful response to the offenders/books debate:

My advice to offenders

The great and the good have decided
That you don't get no books at all
'Cos all you'll do is pile 'em high
To try to climb over the wall

So to conceal your block and tackle in
Swap your snout for a bloody big tome
Something fat like 'The Stud' by Jaqueline
Collins, sister of Joan.

I thank you.