I’ve been a disappointment

To women all my life

Starting with my mother

And ending with the wife.

 

I’ve disappointed many of

The opposite fair sex

Who’ve grinned at my gazinta

(That’s what’s inside my kecks).

 

I’ve offered explanation

When they would cruelly mock

“You get it from the saddle;

It’s called a Cycling Cock”.

 

As anyone who cycles knows

You can’t look at your best

In your skin-tight lycra pants

And skin-tight high-vis vest.

 

Just look at Bradley Wiggins

Chris Froome and Sir Chis Hoy

They might have thighs like tree trunks

But nobs like little boys.

 

Cos in this one department

These cyclists are alike

That’s my excuse; I’ll stick to it;

(I think I’ll buy a bike).