Friday 31st January

That was the day I gave up drinking

The last time I would wake up on the sofa

Drenched in piss and regret

My wife sobbing in bed

Alone and tired

The last time I would poke chunks of my own vomit

Through holes in the sink

Because I couldn’t reach the toilet

The last time I would scream blind at my daughter

For daring to ask me a question

For daring to be a toddler

The last time I would wash the sheets

At three in the morning

Ashamed and afraid

Shivering in the kitchen

The last time I would try to block out the pain

The anguish of existence

With something much worse

Like sticking a plaster

Over an amputated limb

The last time I would lie to myself about my health

The last time I would compare myself to legendary drinkers

Legendary bums and beatniks

The last time I’d bring my pay check home

With a bar bill in excess of what I earned

The last time I’d detach myself from reality

The last time.

 

Saturday 1st February

The first time I woke up as myself for fifteen years

The first time my wife smiled at me

And meant it

The first time I played blocks with my daughter

And she told me how good a builder I was

As I held back fat tears of joy and sadness

The first time I had a coffee for pleasure

Not to get me to work

The first time I brushed my hair

In years

The first time I walked into my front room

And wasn’t scared of what I’d find

The first time I pissed

In the toilet

And it didn’t sting

The first time I shook

With excitement

Not anger

For the day ahead

The first time I wrote a poem

The first time I called my mum

The first time I read a book

The first time I took a breath

The first time I lived my life.