needle flight blindness
...Hard wired
Hard fuck
Tough luck
Shining...
...Neon light
Neon beams
Semen cleans
Broken dreams...
...White noise
White boys
Piss flaps
Night caps...
...Golden shower
Final hour
Needle
Flight
Blindness
Comments
I think you've succeeded really well, as Lynn says. IMO, it's a spill of words which have various connections according to the experience of the reader. And the final three lines speak clearly.
hello ray. it was a response to lynn's work 'needle and thread' about unraveling. in this case, i was channeling the poetic spirit of a heroin addicts last words. the first three verses are just symbolic of the clamour of modern life and the sexualisation of culture. i suppose its how i feel a lot of the time re: modern technology and the way technology supersedes evolution nowadays. the last lines 'needle flight blindness' are the three stages of the addiction i suppose. the needle, the flight (ecstasy) and the blindness (to life). obscure i suppose and i cant help thinking if people cant pick up on it maybe its not a very good poem! thanks for your honesty, i hope ive explained a bit!
I respect your work a lot as you know - so can you give me an idea what the thrust of this one is? At the moment I havn't got a clue, sorry! regards, Ray
Lynn Hamilton
Sat 17th Oct 2015 11:53
Wow! I'm a bit gobsmacked. This is great. Although will need to read again later as I have something in my eye. Thanks x
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raypool
Sat 17th Oct 2015 22:38
Thanks Stu - really you've explained it perfectly, and I think it works really well . I think its always nice to set the record straight with understanding; its sometimes hard to get a clear message across without prior explanation. We must always persevere in any case !!