He’d three lines and a gleaming neck,

stunk of Imperial Leather.

I was gagged and tidemarked,

the Mother of the Messiah.

 

Under strict instruction

I smiled beatifically

with muted mouth, and purple feet,

in Bethlehem, in Primary.

 

Virgin Mary, Mother of God.

Silenced, made to breed.

But Joseph (famous cuckold)

was worth three lines of speech.

 

King Herod had a massive part

and Gabriel spoke twice.

The shepherds sang in unison

of washing socks by night.

 

The innkeeper had dialogue

beyond a mere “we’re full”.

The narrator did the voices

of all the animals.

 

But Virgin Mary, Mother of God,

was silenced, made to breed,

and Joseph (famous cuckold)

was worth three lines of speech.

 

The three wise men monopolised

the middle of the play,

droning on about their gifts

and rustling the hay.

 

The angels got more words than me

and they were thick as owt!

Bless`d Mother of the Messiah

broke her silence with a shout:

 

The absolute injustice!

What a shit nativity!

I’m the saintly Virgin Mary

not some wanker off the street!

How come them lot all get lines?

Do you know who I am?

I’m the mum of fucking Jesus!

This nativity’s a sham!

 

I kicked the manger over,

set fire to the straw.

Punched Joseph in his soapy face,

threw Jesus to the floor.

I tore the wings off angels,

got arrested by the Plod.

I’m five years old - I know my rights.

I’m the mum of fucking God!

Gerroff!