A RESTORER'S LOT

by ray pool

Thursday 4th February 2016 11:41 am (first posted Tuesday 2nd February 2016 7:24 pm)

I had to break her horny back

the old victorian lady

as her twists and turns in tortuous wood

pissed but upright in dotage stood

facing a crippled future.

I took her, hammered and levered

her fine entrails.

She sagged, gave way

diagnosis revealed

a lady's problem, dried out with time

mortise and tenons locked in dry embrace

yet still maintaining a brocaded face.

Slipping the white stuff into her joints

I braced her in the formal manner,

stepped back to see her underwear

removed with tender love, smiled

and phoned the old lady who owned her

job done, my task complete

the victorian chair regained her composure

while I nursed my ailing back,

glad to get off my feet.

Comments

raypool

Fri 5th Feb 2016 17:29

I'm caught on the horns of a dilemma now - but Laura has exposed my weakness, so I must take stock and use effects wisely! Stu
Thanks for noticing.

Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 22:33

you know, when i first read this i thought buttocks too. now they have gone but the poem is still wonderful. doubly so if you read it while listening to the lovejoy theme tune

Laura Taylor

Thu 4th Feb 2016 13:41

Yoohoo! :D Just got your messages. Now then, this indent works well, for me. It brings attention to those lines, focuses the reader much more on the path you are creating for them, the linguistic trick you are playing on them and the trap you are setting, and using the 'diagnosis' word to signpost it for them.

A reader now sees it mounting up into raised eyebrows territory, and they're thinking "is he saying what I THINK he's saying?! Well I never!" sorta thing ;) (cos they're NOT thinking "Is that significant? Should I be taking notice of this somehow? I don't know what it means"

You say you believe it to be a better presentation, and it is, you're right ;)

Enjoy the experimentation - I tried it a couple of times and loved it!

raypool

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 20:43

Laura, thanks for your observations. I'm very glad you gave it the once over, and although David's astute suggestion was not in my mind , my real answer to your question is that It has become a habit on occasions with no apparent motive- perhaps I am insecure enough to think readers will not follow the content without the "sexing up" of the format. Which of course is bollocks but just me not being sure of motive.
Please continue to read 'em with your usual strict ministrations!

David, I like the humour - very apposite! I'm getting too old for the old restoring malarchy! The shed full of tools awaits though. Ray

Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 13:20

Hey - could be! If that really is the explanation, that would be fantastic, although not immediately obvious to every reader.

Laura Taylor

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 12:22

Something I kept meaning to ask you about Ray is your use of indents. I'm not sure what they add to the poems. I enjoyed this one with its twist at the end, but am puzzled as to the significance of the indented lines.

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A RESTORER'S LOT

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