A LESSON THAT I TAUGHT

 

I Teach!!

I taught...

Here's a lesson that I taught...

I had this lesson. It were ace in my mind!

The planning was tight, concise, well timed

 

Going into the room - my stage

Put on the teacher face, the act

(My phone is buzzing but I don't react)

 

Lights, camera, action! You're on!

 

"Hi guys! Come in, unpack your things!"

But I'm just thinking about why it rings

 

"Hi guys! Come in, take off your coats!"

For some reason now I'm thinking about goats

 

(Why fucking goats?

Why now?!)

I thought

(I need to teach a lesson on...

Oh crap! The whiteboards not working!) "MICK!!"

 

Right, try again...

 

"Excuse me Chelsea, that skirts too tight,

And too short and you aren't wearing tights.

Go down to student point and get yourself a note"

 

And now I'll get back to the lesson that I taught

 

"I FUCKIN' 'ATE WIGGANS! HE'S ALWAYS TIGHT!!"

 

Class - "Totes! Hahahahaha!!!"

 

I think ... Look you little tots, all you're thinking about is tits ... and your tots and your shots and your tokes in her tote! 

You think you're fucking clever but you're not!!

 

I say... "This is an amazing lesson that I've got! 

Does anyone remember the last lesson that I taught?"

 

"No sir, we do not"

"You're boring sir"

"Are you gay sir?"

 

On a parallel universe, where I don't care about my career and my home and my children...

 

I think in my head for a bit, then I say...

 

"Look you little spaz, you think I'm tight?!? I've been sleeping in a mates spare room at night 

because me and the mother of my kids had a fight 

and everything in my life is turning shite

Because all I do is stay up all night to plan a fucking lesson for a bunch of little scrotes! Who can't even take off their coats, And sit and fucking listen to the lesson that I taught! I'm marking so much that my body's not taut and my mind spins round and round in thought (a word which you spell fucking tawt!)

Progress and differentiation!

The future of your education!

And I just hope that in some way, I might actually TEACH you something today!

But all you think about is tits and tats and texts and sexts and COD and Christiano Ronaldo and Justin 'fucking' Beiber AND YOU CALL ME GAY?!?

You spell thought ... T.A.W.T!! You're 18 for gods sake!!

How you gonna make a living eh?!

Totesport?!

 

A couple of them titter

 

And the rest go silent...

 

And I think I've won!

 

'Til one of them says "sir... I'm gonna get you done!"

 

"And you're gay"

 

"And you're a shit teacher"

 

The end