its raining pellets so i dash home as fast as i can
and at the door i take off my coat and shoes
and then i take off my top and jeans and then
i peel off my sopping wet skin and shed my
withered muscles and eggshell bones
until i am just a huge pile of clotting blood and
a bright blue soul, the brightest blue, and i
ask you now what more can i do?
Stu,
The body of the poem (and the title) express perfectly the release of the pent up frustration of what your comment says.
For me, the `dash home` in the first line, and the `I ask you` in the last suggest some need of an explanation to an individual for some sort of offence caused.
Without this I think that the poem works superbly as a stand alone raw expression of the sheer emotional feel of the state of mind you talk about in your comment.
This is really very good Stuart - although I'm bloody hopeless at coming on here and making comments I really do enjoy reading your stuff - well done mate
elPintor
Sun 22nd May 2016 23:55
Your comments are as poetic as your posts..good reading.
elP
cheers guys. to be honest it was a bit of a riff on 'ive given everything i have and its not enough' although with a bit of cosmic splatter thrown in towards the end. im often as perplexed by my writing as everyone else, the blue light is definitely my soul though.
Here goes Stu: everything is stripped back to nothing which is the essence of truth that others can't see you expressing - and by shocking them you can be something to really impress (all subconscious of course)!
That'll do instead of a poem tonight . I hope this is not an insult to your intelligence - it just came out.
Ray
I see my foto inspired you, Stu.
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Stu Buck
Wed 25th May 2016 12:52
thanks everyone, i really appreciate the positive comments.