new dawn
salt blue slate grey
push my head down under water
see me bobbing
feel me reaching
save me bright light release me
from sin i am saved
then you played my favourite song
as we danced in a circle
around
and around
each step
as waves
each hand
held tight
flowing silk
flowing water
we all
raise
our voices
to the air
now unlock my mind
so that
i might serve the one
true god
elPintor
Wed 27th Jul 2016 00:49
you know Stu, I would've taken "concrete" to mean quite something else, but this will do..There are those of us visual learners who will appreciate shape more than others (possibly)..I also liked the idea of pure worship, though, it is as one god above all others where humans tend to contrive all kinds of ideas..I think of REM "Losing My Religion"..I have definitely lost mine as the world would have told it to me..
Great piece,
elP
Excellent as usual Stu. A great format and poem
thanks ray. yes, same experience, it was known as the key to the soul, hence the pleasing shape. concrete poetry (the quite shit name for this kind of picture poetry) is not something i had done before but it is darn fun i must say. i formatted this in the text box above which was a grind because the version on word (all beautifully formatted) didnt paste well in to here. to get it perfect meant it looking really odd before posting, so i ended up editing it blind about 20 times before it was right. i have since discovered i can print the screen, paste in to photoshop and cut and copy the individual phrases but, of course, it would save as an image and i wouldnt be able to show it off on here.
This is great Stu. In this format it contains and solidifies all the raw material that bind the thoughts together and focus the mind in a certain way. Gotta try this myself dammit!!
I seem to recall a poem you wrote a long while ago about an early experience with baptism or a religious group (not sure now).
Ray
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Stu Buck
Wed 27th Jul 2016 01:44
Thanks both. I think concrete is a crap name for the style of poetry but that's what people call it weirdly