IN THE GROTTO
(A re-post. Because it's that time of year again when I am asked to perform a function for which I am the least suited person in the world to fulfill. Stolen from me, of course, by that b*****d Presley)
As the snow flies -
Cos it’s Christmas here in Haddlesey
And Santa sits underneath his tree
In the Grotto. (In the Grotto)
Eating warm mince pies.
And if there’s one thing that he don’t need
It’s another squawking kid running off its lead
In the Grotto. (In the Grotto)
As the kiddie cries.
People don’t you understand
He’s a miserable old man
He detests those little girls and boys;
People won’t you let him quit
He’s a grumpy old git
He’ll crush the presents in his pile
Then gives them broken toys;
(Which makes Santa smile).
So learns how to laugh and he learns how to grin
And he “Ho, ho ho’s” when the buggers come into
The Grotto. (In the Grotto).
But it gets much worse as Santa feared
As a toddler’s sick in the Old Man’s beard
In the Grotto (in the Grotto).
Then there’s a little snotty kid
Who just won’t pay his quid
But stands and picks his pugnose all the while
Yelling “What’s inside the sack”
He just needs a good crack
He steals a bun
He screams at Ma
He tries to run
But he don’t get far
(Which makes Santa smile)
So he lights up a fag while a kid of five
Watches Santa drag on his tenth Park Drive
In the Grotto. (In the Grotto)
When the queues die down it feels such bliss
Cos he’s had six cans so he takes a piss
In the Grotto (In the Grotto).
As the snow flies –
Cos it’s Christmas here in Haddlesey
And Santa sits underneath his tree
In the Grotto. (In the Grotto)
John Coopey
Tue 6th Dec 2016 22:05
I certainly hope so, Ken.