soon I shall be gone into the void
into the cold cold spaces between these stars
whilst this water supports me
and my life thus far
the past is all I know
and now has stopped here.
Take me from this pool
from this manger of death,
my will fades, I begin to see shades
of something I never knew.
Goodbye cruel ship
cruel fate
I will not be late.
Evocative lines remembering a tragic disaster at sea -
the scenario emphasised by the proximity of other ships
that could have helped lessen the huge loss of life had
there been different circumstances surrounding the
fame of the voyage and its unsinkable reputation that
contributed to their misinterpretation of events: salvation
so near, yet so far.
Thanks Martin. I imagined what it might be like to give up your life in this way so kept it brief and basic , glad you liked it!
Nice to have your comment Pablo, and a good observation as open ended is perhaps like eternity itself could we but conceive it. The comfort and splendour of the Titanic is a poor substitute for this.
Hi David! Nice to get your thoughts - I saw the doc. about the fire on board - puts a different slant on the whole debacle. A manger utilized for religious purposes I figured could be a place of death too.
Thanks as ever Paul for your interest - I tried to keep it simple for effect.
Cheers Colin. You smooth talker you. That story makes the hairs stand up a bit. Apparently a lot of the crew stood down before the final Atlantic crossing knowing about the fire in the bunkers. (recent doc.)
Thanks everyone for your support as always.
Ray
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sun 8th Jan 2017 09:44
excellent writing Ray - you keep up such a good standard that never fails to please us.
a distant relative of mine was booked on the Titanic with her newly wed husband - tickets bought by his father as a gift to enable them to migrate to Canada. However they decided to cash them in and buy tickets on a cheaper crossing! I've often wondered if the father was annoyed by their initial decision but then relieved when he heard the news of the sinking. They ended up in British Columbia where he worked on a government research farm.
keep 'em coming.
Ray, another crafted piece of writing, about the tragic sinking of the Titanic, skilfully expressed and, as others have picked up on, some great, stirring lines. Thanks, Paul
This is so open ended that it's awesome. I imagine a fetus in the womb and still an old man on his dying bed being the speaker in this poem. The title itself suggest either a birthday or a day of passing to me.
Love the line 'take me from this pool this Manger of death'
You seem to have captured the flavour of what you have written here not only in the words but they way you deliver them. Nice one Ray
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raypool
Mon 9th Jan 2017 15:29
Thanks Mark, indeed a tragedy when seen from a global perspective; my thoughts went to the lone drifters.
Ray