Comments
Hi john,
Studied with you for a year and the first time I have heard the term 'toheresque' I have some comments on your poem, but need to look over it again.
Hope you are well.
All assumptions are not wrong; that's the great thing about reading poetry.
If the poem works for you (the reader) based on an assumption and you enjoy the poem, that's great. I don't think authorial intent is the most important element of reading poetry; it can spoil it if anything.
<Deleted User> (5646)
Wed 23rd Sep 2009 15:17
Comments crossed John, thanks for your reply but i won't remove my comment. It's a common theme on here to believe what the poet writes is based on someone known to them. Yours demonstrates nicely how wrong we can be when we make assumptions.
Janet.x
<Deleted User> (5646)
Wed 23rd Sep 2009 15:12
Ah Isobel but i happen to know John is a very happy man in his marriage. Realism is a necessary part of a happy relationship. Personally i think that last line says that there's so much more could be said and the sadness smudges on the blank page are that which is within and cannot be portrayed on a piece of paper. Whatever is said/written here could be assessed as being either too much or not enough. Whether it is about his wife or not, it is an eloquent write delivering something very personal in a semi detached manner. Not an easy thing to do in anyone's book. (book of life or love).
I'm with Spencer, this would be a fantastic piece to enter into a book. A book about life or a series of poems on the theme of relationships and/or marriage. Wonderful.
It's not about my wife, or anyone in particular.
Now Janet - that is a bit of a risky question to ask... Were I his wife, I'm not sure I would like to be described as the 'sadness in a smudge on a blank page' - but perhaps John is aiming for a bit of realism... I like the mood you set with this poem. I've heard you perform it but think it is better on page where you can appreciate the words more.
<Deleted User> (5646)
Wed 23rd Sep 2009 12:43
I'm alongside John Darwin here. Togher at his level best.
Is this about your wife?
Particularly love the line, 'a shoulder without freckles is like a sky without stars.'
Janet.x
Gorgeous! Imagery is outstanding, diction is musical, wooing the reader through your story with increased delight, anticipating an intelligent, well-executed conclusion... which you duly provide.
Togheresque and typically enjoyable.
John
<Deleted User> (6510)
Tue 22nd Sep 2009 10:51
I like this piece , I must admit you caught me unaware because of the ref to Miles Davis , I saw this and started to read whilst still breaking the weld that sleep bestows, then suddenly BANG. 'We share a love of polish cinema' , that line creates strong imagery. As a fan of Miles Davis I have drawn my own picture regarding the mood and feel of the piece and it may not be the image others have ,but it works for me ,perhaps some lines could do with editing , please don't take that the wrong way , the piece is yours and we are all different. The picture of Miles concentrates the imagery by setting the piece up (very good combination for a book ,) If I was given this to read or heard it spoken I would definitely smile or clap at the end.
darren thomas
Tue 22nd Sep 2009 10:14
Hi John - as discussed.
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Nichola Burrows
Wed 23rd Sep 2009 15:35
Well said! ( that last comment you made that is ).